I am a simple and lazy person, who usually just does things for fun. Ambitionless, I simply go with the flow and hardly exert any effort for a better tomorrow.
If there was something that motivates me, I guess that's 'to be needed'. Being surrounded by talented people, I long for a place where I am significant. And when I find that place, I find it hard to let go.
That would explain everything I held on to: My friends, YL, SL, Oracle, KoL, clans, orders, my work decisions, and even this blog, among several others.
That would explain why I was happy being in MDM, being praised by my friends and clients, being told that I've helped someone with their problems, knowing I inspired someone. These little things made me feel like I was making a difference; that I found my place; my reason of being. Thinking about it, perhaps this is why I ended 'Yuu Arc' that way...
I have little desire to be praised and awarded. Rather, it could even make me uncomfortable, but I digress...
Why am I weak? Because that very motivation of mine is also my roadblock. I am afraid of leaving the place where I felt needed. That's why I'm afraid to make the decision I clearly have to make.
I was the one who said it, unknowing that it was the very problem I was having, or will be having...
"...when we are uncertain about something, more often than not, we already know what our answer should be. There's just something that's making us hesitant in making our decision. Maybe you're afraid that someone will get hurt, or you'll be outside your comfort zone. You remain undecided because the point you're currently on is your safe zone.
This is why we ask for advice. We often don't really need other peoples' advice. Rather, what we're looking for is that push... The push to the path that we already know we'd take."
The answer is obvious...
I am just weak...
